If it can go wrong it will


Yesterday evening, well today actually, at 12am I was to publish my poetry books. Unfortunately we experienced technical difficulties with Comcast internet. Finally at 12:30pm today it was resolved. “Stitches of Poetry: Volume 1” is in review by Amazon; it should be published within the next 24hours. I will have links posted for those interested. The other two will be out by the end of next week. Thank you to all my loyal fans and followers.  I ask for patience. I set a deadline for myself and darn it if the universe had other designs. With a few deep breaths and those beautiful brown eyes of my husband and I was off and running again. It is, somewhat, overwhelming. Since I made the decision to publish my books, the multitude of possibilities and people have begun to flood my mind. I have started working on a love story, a coming of age story, and a thriller. Exciting.  

The Time Draws Near for My Vision will be Seen


Greetings,

Playing with the title of this post. Being me, quirky! I wanted to touch base and let everyone know that my books will be published come July 30th(exactly at Midnight); they will be available for purchase. For more info please go to the Book Page. Instead of the two books, this is going to be three released. A little extra for those excited about the upcoming books come the end of August I will be publishing Three more books and…….Come October 1st, I will be publishing the big one, an autobiography/non-fiction/drama/comedy of sorts. Do not want to say more than that. Have not had the pleasure of posting as much as I would like. My life has consisted of caring for my husband, my mother’s house, and myself; writing; cooking; writing; television; and the occasional trip to the grocery store. My writing has taken over much of my free time. I must admit that not all of it has actually been doing actual writing. My mind and the muse within, they are constantly working these days. I have so much I wanted to say, I want to share, I want to express, that it at times becomes overwhelming. I really need to get a digital recorder or that really cool dragon program. Well I digress. I must go now, lots to do before Monday night.

Have a blessed and Beautiful Day

Peace, Light, and Love

America’s Got Talent Radio City Music Hall First Live Show


Evening,

Sitting back with the husband watching America’s Got Talent. This has been a favorite show of ours considering it started around the same time he and I met. It has brought us hours of laughter, tears, and joy. Sometimes we are divided in who we like and other times we are united in the jubilation of a contestant going on to the next round.

So far this new season has not disappointed. It has, in our opinions, gotten better and better.  This season is fantastic.  I unfortunately have not been wowed yet by any of the performers in the first hour. I was disappointed in Special Head. The seventeen year old magician was excellent, however I was not blown away.

Izzy and Aaralyn brought the second hour justice. These two are awesome. It is a shame that Howard gave them an ‘X’. I greatly disagree with him. These siblings are ROCKIN! “Stepping in Dog Poop” is freaking awesome.  @AaralynAndIzzy if you have not seen them, please check them out. They are so cute, yet rock so hard.

Alexandria the Great caught my attention with her alluding to Houdini. I have to admit her escape was impressive. I bet it was difficult darling she just commented, ” I know now why Houdini refused to do this escape, it was difficult.” @Alexanderia_EA

The Kristef brothers are two talented young men. I thoroughly enjoyed their performance. It was funny, skilled, and strangely erotic. Well done. @KristefBrothers

It is difficult for me to watch the Television at the same time. I have to see what I am typing; my husband keeps hollering at me to look up so I do not miss anything. So I think I am going to watch the last twenty minutes here and then I will wrap it all up… laughing to myself realizing I just said that like I was actually in a face to face conversation with the world. Thank Goodness for Commercials.

Back from commercials and unfortunately Hype, the dance trio, did not wow me either. Branden James, the next act, an opera singer; gay opera singer who came from a conservative home chose an appropriate first song in my opinion( watching as I type…lol). He actually raised up emotion in my dear husband. He just commented, “my black heart just cracked a little.”

So the voting now begins, whom do I use my twitter vote on this evening? HMMMM…..

Can not wait for tomorrow night. Looking forward to another great show. Thank you NBC. One of the best shows on television today.

Have a great evening everyone.

Tonight on Comedy Central, “Futurama: Saturday Morning Fun Pit”


Comedy Central does not disappoint this evening with another excellent episode of “Futurama.” Growing up in the late seventies and the eighties, it has brought me such joy; the happy memories it brings forth.

This episode “Saturday Morning Fun Pit” is by far my favorite “Futurama” episode to date. A trio of tales ,played out by the “Futurama” cast, set to Saturday morning cartoons aired on television back in the time of my youth.
It began quickly for me and if my husband had not pointed to the television I would have missed that the crew was playing the “Scooby-Doo” crew. Then commercial within the episode, so dead on hilarious. Followed by the war on cartoons and “G.I Zapp“. Holy Crap I feel as if I am about to wet my pants. The professor as Cobra Commander. This is the best episode.

Comedy Central has made me a happy person. I will be sad to see the show go once again, but I do understand all good things must come to an end at some point.

Is it all just a Dream?


Greetings World,

The past week I have been in the trenches of depression while trying to complete my first book. Swamped with the horrible stories that plague the news everyday I have opted for watching re-runs of my favorite shows; like : “Warehouse 13” and “Charmed.”

I have completed my first poetry book. “Stitches” by Jay Crider. I was taken back, while putting it together, at how many pieces I have written over the years. It is well over 300 pieces now; I would say only 80% is publishable.
It is extremely difficult to clear the fog that seems to be taking over my brain. I struggle, as we all do, just to maintain some balance; some clarity.

Hopefully, the moments of the future are not so crippling and disconnecting.

Have a beautiful evening.

Peace, Light, and Love.

Endless Possibilities, Endless Worlds


As the day  progressed, I am enlightened to the kindness of others. Unaware of the affect my words have upon others, I write.

I write to clear out the mess that is my mind.

I write to purge emotions that build and become putrid.

I write because it feels right.

the misery that is me at this time, may pass. Then again it also may get worse. I am aware of the Endless possibilities and endless worlds that exist. For me in this time, I see no light I see no hope. I gingerly hang on to what little hope I have left within me. 

My entire life I have always thought in possibilities. Worlds would collide in my mind when I would think upon anything; heck even when playing they found their way into my imagination. The endless possibilities…….

However, as life has had its way with me and I with it, those possibilities have slowly been stripped from my mind. I no longer dream. After my last suicide attempt over eight years ago, I have not been able to dream. When I go to sleep I awake in the morning, with nothing but darkness in between. Most mornings I awake and it feels, even though I am well rested, as if I had just went to sleep.

My voice is getting tired, my desire to seek friendship and the company of others has diminished. With the way my husband has been treated over the past eight years with Katrina, His cancer, his mental issues(PTSD from Katrina), and the infection brought on by his teeth I have slowly but surely lost hope in humanity. It is not in my nature to be this way, that is why I am in so much pain(emotionally and mentally).

I look back upon my life: above average High School Graduate, College for three years, and internship at a big resort, an extra  on a TV show, and some published poetry and find myself asking the question, What happened? I know what happened: Drugs, Deciet, Family torn apart, Still Stuck in this male body, no job, no money, a sick partner, and nothing at thirty-seven to show for-except my life.

Except my life- Powerful words in the moment. 

I appreciate the comments and kindness of all who have sought to cheer me up and help me look upon the light.

My motto is “It is the Best Day Ever.”

Peace, Light, and Love

Falling down the rabbit hole


The world convolutes upon itself. Nothing seems what it once was. The world has changed and I have, seemingly, stayed the same. What am I to do. 
I struggle daily with my mind. 
My husband chooses to play video games instead of cleaning, working, or in general helping me out. It has been that way for six years; Between the infection in his teeth from bad wisdom tooth and fillings that have come out. Then on top of that he was diagnosed with intestinal/stomach cancer before we met; after Katrina took is life away in New Orleans
My mother continues to date a man who has admitted to selling and using crack cocaine in her house. something I can not be around. She continues to bark at me how lonely she is. Well I got news for her, trying being in a relationship and feeling lonely. It is worse. 
The man who raised me does not want anything to do with me. As far as I am concerned I have no more family. My grandmother has nothing to do with me. 
I am not out there stealing, I am not out there committing crimes, I am not out there using drugs, I am a good person who cleans, cooks, and cares for everyone in this house. 
I have made mistakes in the past. I take responsibility for all the wrongs I have committed and have tried,earnestly, to be a better human being for it. 
When my husband and I decided to move back to his “hometown”, New Orleans, it was with the intentions of escaping my hometown(which is harmful to my well being), get him some medical attention(cause here in Cobb County,Georgia they would not help him-we tried and we tried), and so we could flourish in our relationship. 
Since returning to help my mother and be here for her during the lose of her Father, life has taken a dark and sinister turn. Constantly I am reminded of my past mistakes, from my mother. I am constantly reminded that I am a male- “why can you not fix the plumbing, you are a man, you should be able to fix anything.(from my mom)” 
I am at my wits end. I do not know which way is up nor which way is down. 
I have been clean from cocaine for seven years now. I have fallen off the wagon before, but with the help of medicinal Marijuana, I honestly believe I would not be here today and if I was I would not be free from cocaine. 
So as I sit here, I feel like I am falling down the rabbit hole. No way back. No one to rescue me, but myself. As it stands at this moment, I do not know if I am even worth rescuing anymore. My family has made me feel utterly worthless.