Cancer Smancer


okay. So I went and saw the oncologist today. I have a rare form of lymphoma(non-Hodgkin’s, a hybrid of two other types of lymphoma) that usually is found in men who are HIV+:plasmablastic  lymphoma. I have always tested negative, but never have had a blood test for it.

The test, to find out what stage it is and where it is, cost over $30,000 alone. That does not include the chemo, EPOCH, that they want to put me on which would consist of being admitted to the hospital for five days , for 21 months, and have it pumped through me daily for that period.  I am sure there are possible programs and assistance I could get, but I have seen people such as myself, with my social and economical standing in the system, and it is not good.

It just is more stress to be added on top of enough stress. The waiting, the wandering if I am approved or accepted, the countless personalities(some I am sure are not to pleasant) and the stress of it all, my poor mother and husband and I can not take anymore stress.

I have decided how ever long I have left I am going to rock out with my blazing light of divine joy and love. I have a purpose to fulfill here on this earth. The writing I have produced thus far, the books I am to publish within this year, and the art I am creating as we speak is meant to inspire someone or someone’s down the road. If I am not to complete my task they may not achieve the greatness they are destined for. I am here to inspire, to educate, to prepare, to enlighten, and to bring such joy to the world.

I will do what the divine light has set me forth on this planet to do. So be it.

when it pours it pours


Found out last week my grandmothers colon cancer is back and it has spread to her stomach and her lungs. She started a new round of chemo, stronger, Monday; the past two days she has been so sick(she is 85). Recently found out my mother has a heart murmur and has had a mild stroke and a heart attack within the past year. I go for my biopsy results for the growths in my mouth tomorrow; praying it is not cancer. because if so that will make three of us(my husband, my grandmother, and I) who have it. I hope not. I do not know what the future holds for me family but it does not look good. We do not have nice things and we do not want nice things, but what we have we are in jeopardy of losing it. Because of the medical bills between my mother, my husband, and I we are two months behind on the house mortgage and two months behind on the utilities. Everything is falling apart. I am seeking help from multiple sources and as of right now, NOTHING! I have started a go fund me page and it has been up almost a month and nothing. If it was not for two of my dear old friends the cable would have been shut off sooner and we would have gone without food. Yes, I know churches and food banks offer free food, but my family and I need nutritious foods(not breads, meats, or canned veggies). Fresh vegetables, nuts, and grains is what we need. It is cheaper to eat unhealthy than it is to eat healthy(which makes no sense to me; makes me believe our country is out to kill us).

Well that about sums it up.

AS in my previous post. I am at a loss, as to, what to do now.

Happy St. Patricks Day


The day is almost done. I steadily pounded the keys a majority of the day working on Amazon Mechanical Turk assignments. I am fearful that we will be homeless here soon and all will end badly. Why, you may ask, is because my mother has had to move in with my grandmother(whom was recently diagnosed with stage 3, level c colon cancer which has spread to her lymph nodes)We are at the tale end of our food, I have barely any gas in the van, I have know idea how in the world I am going to save my moms house; shelter and feed my partner and I; and somehow get medical/dental/vision insurance so we can get some care.My partner(whom also has cancer) got some help in New Orleans, but he has become so despondent and tired of the run around he has pretty much given up.

However, I come to my wonderful audience to thank you all for continued encouragements, retweeting my tweets, and sharing on Facebook. I have now reached 8 subscribers on My YouTube channel, Gendermoon. Slowly but surely.

Be safe out there, KNOW YOUR LIMITS folks.

Peace, Light, and Love

DJ

The end of the day and as promised, Butterscotch Caramel Cheesecake is here


Butterscotch Caramel Cheesecake IMG_20141213_220811 IMG_20141213_220820 IMG_20141213_221331 IMG_20141213_221343 IMG_20141213_221408 IMG_20141213_221421

I am about to sit down with my wonderful other half and watch some “Grimm” and “Constantine” while enjoying this fine product. I am super proud of the final product.

The dust grows steadily!

With Answers comes solutions, however, we may not like them.

I am super happy to be back blogging.

Look forward to our next encounter.

Until we next rise

Have a glorious night!

– D.J.

Peace, Light & Love

Month 1 of my new quest; 12 months of art and poetry


How goes it everyone. To my readers I hope all is well with you thank you for taking the time to check in and see how my journey goes. All is well thus far and on schedule, my new job washing dishes has taken up a great deal of my time here recently, but I am just about adjusted the schedule and the routine. I must add, I am truly grateful for my new job and I absolutely love it. I am on the front lines in sanitation of the restaurant and if I do not do my job efficiently and accurately then disease and sickness can eventually become an issue. I take great pride in that.

Back to month one of my journey to reignite that which burns so bright deep within; my creativity. This month is about the season; about giving and receiving; about the joy in all that is. This month I will be working a piece that will show the holidays. I do not need any help this month in materials, for I have a majority of what I need. I will be putting up pictures Tuesday 12/10/2013 of my current progress on the piece.

As far as the poetry book of the month I am still toying with two different themes. I will update as soon as I have something concrete.

Trying to watch a new anime my husband found and write is proving difficult, especially when it is pretty darn good. Check it out, “Log Horizon.” I am diggin’ it. Thanks again to all my fans, readers, and followers. Your support and time is appreciated and valued. Without your investment and interest my voice would remain silent and the story of me would go unnoticed. I am humbled and in your debt you have my greatest gratitude. Be Blessed, Much Peace, Light, and love to you all.

Endless Possibilities, Endless Worlds


As the day  progressed, I am enlightened to the kindness of others. Unaware of the affect my words have upon others, I write.

I write to clear out the mess that is my mind.

I write to purge emotions that build and become putrid.

I write because it feels right.

the misery that is me at this time, may pass. Then again it also may get worse. I am aware of the Endless possibilities and endless worlds that exist. For me in this time, I see no light I see no hope. I gingerly hang on to what little hope I have left within me. 

My entire life I have always thought in possibilities. Worlds would collide in my mind when I would think upon anything; heck even when playing they found their way into my imagination. The endless possibilities…….

However, as life has had its way with me and I with it, those possibilities have slowly been stripped from my mind. I no longer dream. After my last suicide attempt over eight years ago, I have not been able to dream. When I go to sleep I awake in the morning, with nothing but darkness in between. Most mornings I awake and it feels, even though I am well rested, as if I had just went to sleep.

My voice is getting tired, my desire to seek friendship and the company of others has diminished. With the way my husband has been treated over the past eight years with Katrina, His cancer, his mental issues(PTSD from Katrina), and the infection brought on by his teeth I have slowly but surely lost hope in humanity. It is not in my nature to be this way, that is why I am in so much pain(emotionally and mentally).

I look back upon my life: above average High School Graduate, College for three years, and internship at a big resort, an extra  on a TV show, and some published poetry and find myself asking the question, What happened? I know what happened: Drugs, Deciet, Family torn apart, Still Stuck in this male body, no job, no money, a sick partner, and nothing at thirty-seven to show for-except my life.

Except my life- Powerful words in the moment. 

I appreciate the comments and kindness of all who have sought to cheer me up and help me look upon the light.

My motto is “It is the Best Day Ever.”

Peace, Light, and Love

Interview and Microsoft Office


Finally I have a copy of Microsoft Office so I can type my book up and have it all ready for publishing by July 30th. Words can not describe the gratitude I have for our new Neighbors, Jana and Angela. They have been such a blessing to us. During these trying times. I know you say rough living under a parent’s Roof. However, anyone who has lived under a parents rule(financially and household) especially after 35, can admit it is torture; add to the mix your spouse and you have yourself a recipe for a personal apocalypse. So this software will change everything. Jana and Ang, you have no idea what doors you just opened for me and my husband. Thank you; and guess what readers, THE BOOK IS COMING.

Another big event of the day I have an interview tomorrow, 1:30pm, at Chicken and the Egg in Marietta, Georgia. I am super excited. I hope Elizabeth and Chef Taft (the Owners) see my heart of service and my passion for food. Lift me up in your thoughts fans, followers, and the curious alike. I can use all the positive energy I can get tomorrow from 1pm to 2pm.

Again, A BIG Thank you to everyone for finding little old me interesting. It is a pleasure to see at least one, let alone 17, views a day. With this blog, my up coming books, the scripts I am working, and my poetry my end game is to not only to heal, but offer a comfortable life for my husband and our future family and most importantly hopefully help others.