Evening Fellow Meat Bags,
So the middle of the United States is covered in snow, the north and south East covered in rainy weather, and the west coast is burning; people are losing their minds, shootings all over the place, bomb threats, bombings, and yet the economy is apparently getting better; the job market is apparently getting better. I do not understand. So much pain, so much misery and it is, supposedly, spring.
With the glistening new life sprouting all around, even amidst the snow covered hills of Colorado, it is a shame that everyone can not see the blessings of this time of year, what it brings, what it signals.
If you have not started your planting, I would suggest getting on the ball. I started getting the garden ready to plant some tomato, green beans, cilantro, rosemary, and cucumbers. My bhang seed starts week four Monday. It is growing beautifully. The compost that I started back in august has provided some much need nutrition; for moms’ mother’s day rose bush as well.
My partner has been asleep since 6:30pm. I worry about him, but some days I get so angry with him. He does not seek any help or assistance for his situation. He just sits and plays his video games. He says that they help him forget the pain he is in. I respect his wish, not to go to anymore doctors, to just be. But when we Moved to New Orleans back in 2011, we moved for him to be in his hometown and to get some care of some type; even if it was just pain management. However, he did not. He choose other avenues. Now we are back in Marietta, GA. and he despises it here-people have not been very kind to him, he use to get searched by the Cobb County Police everyday all because he wears a long black trench coat and wears his Insane Clown Posse shirts sometimes. Many people of the past seven years have expressed to me their fear that he is using me and that he does not have cancer. I know he suffers, I know he is in pain everyday, I am with him; and some days it tares me up inside. I hate watching him struggle so severely and there is nothing I can do to ease his suffering. I could force him to go to the hospital, but his wish, is to not go. Heck he has sever dental issues, which is constantly infected, and he will wait until it is unbearable before he will go. He mainly does not go because , he does not have insurance, we do not have insurance, we are both unemployed, and the last time he sought state funded care they told him to his face that the only thing they could treat him for was the PTSD he was suffering from going through Hurricane Katrina, but the cancer they could do nothing for it. So they put him on these drugs to treat the PTSD; which he should not have been taking because in their info they both stated if you have cancer do not take. All I can do is work on me and try to get life balanced, so I can provide him with comfort and love in his time of need; unfortunately, I have my own set of mental issues that I have been struggling to overcome for some time.
Our love is true and strong. We have overcome some crazy stuff, we have shared some amazing memories, and we have created so much together I know that this to shall pass. In his words “The Universe has a way of balancing everything out.”
My apologies, for the rambling. It is just wen he sleeps like this- tossing, turning, and moaning-that the reality of what we have been through, what we are going through, and the uncertainty of tomorrow I become overwhelmed. I fear that the end of his antibiotics for his tooth and the discovery today that FEMA/Federal Government are telling Hurricane Katrina victims that they are going to have to pay back all the money they gave to them to help them rebuild and recover. Both of us were equally shocked when we saw the story on FOX 5 Atlanta four o’clock news.
Tomorrow start my new challenge 200 sweepstakes entries a day until the end of the year.
Going to be starting Two New Blogs;
1- Dotties Favorite Recipes – Tried and Tested recipes from my late grandmother
2- Working on title, but will consist of my grandparents journal through the east coast on the retirement trip back in the early eighties.
That about does it. If you have not seen “Dish Nation,” airs on FOX at midnight Monday through Friday, please do-the show has some extremely talented and very funny individuals. It is worth staying up late for. Pleasant dreams.
Peace, Light, and Love
Oh, one last thing I would love some feedback. If you would like me to write about something in particular, if you have any suggestions for the blog, and especially if you would like to donate to helping us better ourselves, I would greatly appreciate it if you could fill out the form below. Thank you!